So it is with our souls. I believe that the mystery of who we really are is buried deep within. My identity is layered with expectations placed upon me, roles I want you to see, dreams I aspire to and fears that hold me back. Beneath the masks I wear by compulsion or insecurity - my real self resides in shadows. I do not see it.
In my twenties and thirties I established who I thought I was. But my forties, fifties and beyond were a deconstruction of the identity I had built. Some of the tearing down was a voluntary discovery. Most of it was God pulling at my facade. This is what I’ve have found. Even as I rely on images and voices to reveal my appearance, so I rely on God to unveil my soul. In one aspect, spiritual maturity has been an unmasking of the self I’ve created and growing into the person of God’s design.
God alone can reveal and re-shape me. He dwells in the crevices of heart beyond my perception. He has given me a new name that I am starting to recognize.(Rev.2:17) He tells me who I am. How? God holds up the image of Jesus and allows the Spirit to measure me. My failures are obvious, but that isn't what the Spirit has emphasized. (Too easy a lesson!) Rather, He has pointed to image of Jesus as what I can be, want to be and will be. (Rom.8:29) He has whispered to my soul, "Beloved." His Voice has been so gentle and insistent, that I have learned to trust it. So when it comes to understanding myself, I peer less at my soul and more at Him. Whoever I am - it is woven together with Him. The fact that I can't see my soul’s shape well, doesn't concern me. I don't fret about it. As long as He knows me, sees me and understands - all with a grace beyond measure, it is enough. I am no longer trying to "find myself". I know I am found. I embrace that as good news - but it gets better. My soul’s shape will not be a secret forever. While I am currently hidden in Christ, when He appears, I will be unmasked. (Col.3:4) I will see Him as He is. I will be seen as He has made me. (1Jn.3:2) We will all look good in glory forever.